Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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