I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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