I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
