Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
