There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
