I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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