3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize