Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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