Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
