We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
