Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
