i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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