i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
