Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize