I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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