that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
