I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
