i barfeds in our rink
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
