he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
