In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize