So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
