i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
