Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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