That's when you crack a 10am beer
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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