I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
