my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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