Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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