No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want her autograph on my taint
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize