What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
