I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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