I think I won the penis lottery.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
