i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
