BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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