the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize