dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
