This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
