zippers are such a cool invention
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
