guys are not supposed to queef...right?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
