Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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