I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
