You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm like, not good at living.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
