You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
