Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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