Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
