I faked an abortion last night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
