I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
