she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
