wat bout pragnant strippers??
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
