he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
