I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
