Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
