It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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