2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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