just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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