I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
