you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
