so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
