Duck Duck Cougar?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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