apparently the secret to your success is patron
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
