i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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