i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
