If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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