i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize