i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
