hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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