i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
