there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
