i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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