when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it's like heaven, but drunker
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
