Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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