i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
