Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
