I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
