fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
