I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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