life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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