I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
