Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
