frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
They have beer where we have blood.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
