my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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