btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
