defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
