We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
