booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
