Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
