i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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