R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Blood and glitter go together right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
