Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
