Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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