apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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