Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
