Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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