I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
