he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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