even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
