I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
