Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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