Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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