I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck appropriateness.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
